july 11. the ocean who loves me.
On my birthday last week, I fell to my knees and wept.
I wept from the full experience of being alive. From the heartbreak of what we are losing. From the hope of what can return.
That morning, I woke up next to the ocean, just steps away from her. Salt in the air and my hair forming waves that mimic the ebbs and flows of the sea. Those who know me deeply, know this is the place I call home. The place I feel most like myself. The place I always return to.
Looking upon the vastness of the ocean, I wept tears of joy. She holds me in expansive compassion. She never judges my flailing, my missteps, or my shadow. She opens her arms with unconditional love. She has been here for me my entire life - from my childhood, to embarking on a life on my own, to marriage, to divorce, to the life I’ve now created - and my solace through the years of loss and transition has been her never-ending presence.
But on this day, I also cried tears of grief. I wept for what we are losing. For what we have destroyed.
What once was a patch of Sargassum (a kind of seaweed) in the ocean called the Sargasso Sea has been renamed “The Great Atlantic Sargassum Belt”. This seaweed is growing exponentially from the rising temperature of the waters and creates devastation to many ecosystems. It wrecks havoc on communities (especially Caribbean ones) and threatens livelihoods.
What used to be large floating islands of trash have become “The Great Pacific Garbage Patch”. This mass of plastic has become more than twice the size of Texas. Marine life mistake the plastics for food, as there is almost 200 times more plastic than food in the patch. Discarded nets known as “ghost nets” trap sea creatures. The toxic load in the bodies of sea life move up the chain to the final resting place of human consumption. Microplastics melt into the water and kill many species in the waters.
These are just two of the many devastations being placed upon our oceans. Our descendants will have a very different experience of the waters on this Earth. The great salt lake in Utah will most likely be gone in 5 years. Many coastal cities will most likely be underwater 25 years from now. There will be no more salsa dancing late into the night in Little Havana in Miami, no more reading a book in a coffee shop on a rainy day in Seattle, the incredible culture of Creole and Cajun New Orleans will be displaced, and the beaches that have been an essential thread of Hawaiian culture will be no longer.
It isn’t likely that the path we are on will course correct. Even with a revolution, it wouldn’t be not enough to repair all of the harm we have caused. We will need to come to terms with the new reality we will face. Some of us will see the changes more than others, but we all have already felt the changing of the tides.
On my birthday, there wasn’t much for me to do but cry. I have led projects in marine conservation, created a youth education project for an art residency on the Great Salt Lake, and dedicated much of my life to preserving and restoring Indigenous waterways, including the ocean and her provision for our communities.
And, right now I find myself still. Silent. Empty. I stand in a place of not knowing, a place of the deepest grief that washes over me like the sea has washed over me since I was born. I cry out to her and ask for forgiveness. There is nothing I can offer her in this moment but my gratitude. I speak my prayers to the tides, watching my words be taken out to the horizon.
The primordial waters birthed us all. Our bodies are her descendants, carrying her wherever we go. The force of creation and the oceans which sustains us - within and without. The waters have desires for us. To be humble and kind, grateful and wise. To make offerings and teach and learn and give back to her. From womb to tomb, she is with us.
An invitation:
1. Find a body of water near you. It might be as vast as the ocean, or as small as a stream.
2. Bring an offering for the water. It could be flowers, a song, a strand of hair - something that is safe to offer her.
3. Give thanks, sharing ways that the waters have held you, nourished you, brought you joy. Pour your deepest gratitude onto her.
4. Ask what the water wants from you. Sit and really listen. It might be an hour of your time to cleanup trash, a gathering of people to sing, or to create a poem.
5. Follow through on her desire. Complete the golden loop of reciprocity. Notice how natural it feels to give back to who sustains us.
What I’ve been reading:
Those of you who have been around awhile know that my 38th year was my Year of Fiction - a time where I took a break from non-fiction reading (with a few exceptions), and explored the multiverses of fiction. Stepping into my 39th year, I have decided to continue the project! Partially because reading fiction makes you a better writer, artist, teacher, and human being (honestly, it is often really clear when someone doesn’t read any fiction), but mainly because we are here to be creative and imaginative beings and immersing myself into other worlds is beautiful.
This month, I have started a story called Beautyland. I don’t exactly know how to describe it. On the surface, it is about a girl who is really an alien and who has come to earth to study humans. On a deeper level, it is about seeing the totality of the human experience from a different perspective. A tender story about love and loss, exile and belonging.
What I’ve been watching:
Lately, I’ve been immersing myself in learning more about the forests of overlooked areas. One of them is the Appalachian Rainforest located in Western North Carolina. DID YOU KNOW THERE WAS A RAINFOREST IN APPALACHIA?!? I certainly did not and it has (like most landscapes) a complicated history filled with community, destruction, transformation, and magic.
What I’ve been listening to…
I have listened to Gregorian chants for decades - they bring me softness- and lately I have been using them before bed to relax my nervous system and call in energies for deep slumber. These Gregorian chants from the Benedictine Monks are beautiful and this Youtube channel has many recordings of chants that will bring you peace. (I also used to sing Gregorian chants as part of my work as a performance artist in San Francisco, but that is a story for another day!)
ARCANA: An alchemical journey through the archetypes of the tarot
ARCANA is a magical path of exploration of the major arcana of the tarot. Seen as the foundation of the tarot, the major arcana is where the power of the archetypes live.
Through diving in deeply to each of the cards - their stories, their planets, the creative and cultural forces which create their medicine - you will excavate the richness beneath these figures and symbols.
I lead this journey through a Jungian lens of archetype: astrology, stones and plants of the cards, mythology, creative practice, and embodiment. This will open your eyes to an entire new world with the tarot.
This is not a program on the predictive aspects of the tarot, nor is it a cookie cutter textbook of the cards.
This is a FULL BODY EXPLORATION of the archetypes. How can you see them as a mirror of yourself? How can experience alchemical healing through the mysteries of the cards? How can the energetics of the major arcana support our creative practice, our relationships, our spirituality, and our way of being in the world?
This is a wild and weird journey. Immersive in every sense of the word, with real-life assignments to embody the potency of these universal beings. It will be a fun, expansive, and nourishing path. And you will leave ARCANA with the deepest wisdom of the archetypes, the stars, the plants, and yourself.
Everyone from beginners to advanced tarot practitioners are welcome. I have been a tarot practitioner and educator for 20 years and there is nothing else like this journey.
ARCANA is a three month pilgrimage through the tarot and we will meet every Sunday. We begin August 11th and the cost is $888 with spacious payment plans available. You can apply below and I hope to dive in with you ✨
HOLY: DIVINITY SCHOOL FOR MISFITS
IT IS HERE! I have been holding this vision for years, waiting until the right time to steward a divinity school for the weirdos and freaks, a place of connecting with the divine through learning and dancing, singing and creating. A weaving of theology and real-world exploration and embodiment of the sacred. Something that has never been done before.
Website is soon forthcoming but I couldn’t hold it in any longer!
This is a 9 month deep diving journey - the length of a school year - which will be filled with theology, mythology, ritual, journey, ecology, eros, creativity, and so much more.
Imagine an interfaith, multi-dimensional love song to God.
Each month will be a different thread and we will weave in beautiful religious and spiritual teachings and practices, with a guest teacher of each faith.
I am SO excited about this, my heart just might burst. I have been dreaming of creating a divinity school for misfits ever since I dropped out of actual divinity school, and to make this happen is truly one of my life’s deepest callings.
Opening ceremony will be at the end of September and October will be the thread of the harvest with a very special guest!
You can sign up for the waitlist to get the details first and a magical offer just for you 🙏🏼
A blessing: May your heart be broken open by the beauty of this world.
XOXO Binyamina Aisha