LOOSEN THE GRIP
allowing the mystery to unfold
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“You must give up the life you planned in order to have the life that is waiting for you.”
- Joseph Campbell
A few weeks ago, I realized I was trying to force something. It’s a big something, and I have parts with a lot of preferences, agendas, and aversions. I am intimately aware of these parts, and I do my best to listen to them and understand why they grip so deeply onto specific outcomes.
And, as we say in IFS (Internal Family Systems therapy), the kids don’t get to drive the car. They can sit in the back, ask questions, enjoy the sights out the window, even have temper tantrums if they need to. But they don’t get to decide where we’re going, how we are going to get there, and when we will arrive.
It is from Self that we align to the best map and move forward. And most often, some aspect of that journey includes the thing that is both the easiest and the hardest to do…
GET OUT OF THE WAY.
Whenever I am teaching a modality or vocation to students - whether it is deathwork, midwifery, herbal medicine, etc. - I always tell them that the most important thing to do as a practitioner is to get out of the way.
Get out of the way so that God can come through.
Get out of the way so that we can be best used for the bigger thing.
Get out of the way so that we don’t make it about ourselves, and instead show up however is right for the moment.
Get out of the way so that we don’t fixate on an outcome and instead delight in the process.
Get out of the way, so that we can open to the divine timeline of the cosmos.
This practice is just as important in our personal lives. If you begin to practice awareness of the inherently human act of getting in our own way, you will notice that it happens all. the. time.
You might wish your body looked different.
You might wish you had more followers, subscribers, likes, or comments.
You might wish your partner was different, or that your relationship was more like someone else’s.
You might wish you made more money, or had fancier things.
The list goes on and on.
And although desire is one of the most important primordial forces on earth, we need to discern what is desire and what is gripping. What is a vision and what is a fixation. What feels like an open palm and what feels like a closed fist.
Here’s the thing: once you know what it feels like to get out of your own way, things will never be the same again. The neurotic obsession with control will start to feel suffocating. The incessant blaming of others will drain your energy. It will feel awful to try to curate, manipulate, and orchestrate every aspect of your life. You will feel deep in your bones that your wildness is yearning for freedom. That your heart is longing to risk more. That your soul wants to touch the mystery of God.
So there I was, planning and researching something on the internet that I know it isn’t the time for yet. Trying to give the schedule of God a little push. Feeling impatient and irritated and hoping that if I try really hard, I might be able to make it happen now.
Oh fuck. I say out loud to myself. I am trying to force this.
Once I saw it, I could feel how miserable the compression felt in my body. How my mental fantasy was taking over my presence. How spaciousness in my heart gave way to constriction in my belly. I knew I had to take a deep breath, go for a walk, and let go.
When we are confronted with the need to let go to an outcome, especially one that we desire so deeply, we are often met with a lot of discomfort.
Fear that if we don’t try hard to make it work, it won’t ever happen.
Sadness that we don’t have the thing with us right here and now.
Anger that after “everything we’ve done”, we still haven’t “succeeded”.
Envy at others who have it.
And it goes on. Our parts are terrified of the unknown. It is up to us to guide them through the portal and show them that we will make it to the other side.
Letting go of the grip is one of the hardest things we are asked to do. It requires immense amounts of faith and trust. Faith in a plan bigger than our little minds can comprehend. One that is better than we could even imagine. Trust that no matter the outcome, the journey was worth it. That there is so much more to life than if we get the “prize”.
As I take a step back from one dream, I open the possibility to another coming in. Not by force, but by the gentle breeze of the cosmos. I fall to my knees in humble laughter and admit that I have no idea what is supposed to happen. Arms open, I surrender to being a vessel to something greater that was here before me and will remain long after I am gone.
In this dance with the wild mystery, I find home.
An Invitation:
1. Close your eyes and envision something you deeply, desperately want. Allow your body to fully feel the sensations that come along with the idea of having it. Notice how it feels to have achieved the outcome and obtained the prize.
2. Begin to allow this cherished thing to be destroyed. It can be blown away like dust, put in a fire, taken to sea, or any other way of dissolution. Allow yourself to fully grieve witnessing its destruction. Notice how it feels to have lost something so precious.
3. Open your eyes and begin to move your body. Find spaces between your bones you forgot about. Discover spaciousness in your ribs and heart. Start to feel what is possible within the empty space. Honor the fertility of the fallow soil. Remember tthat there is so much more to grow than we could possibly imagine.
What I’ve been reading…
I have put off reading Giovanni’s Room by James Baldwin for years because I was afraid it would break my heart. It is absolutely breaking my heart and it is absolutely worth it. Such a devastatingly beautiful read and one that I can’t stop immersing myself in, even though it hurts.
What I’ve been watching…
I recently rewatched The Tree of Life, as it is part of the curriculum for HOLY: A Divinity School for Misfits (which, by the way just might be my favorite thing I’ve ever created and is breaking my heart open so beautifully! Waitlist for next year is here). There is so much depth to this film and it is one whose mythopoetic medicine shifts throughout the years.
What I’ve been listening to…
I don’t really have words for the experience of watching this. Songs of a Lost World is epic - a majestic and celestial journey through the eyes of someone willing to feel it all. To see your music idols growing old and realizing you are growing old too? To hear chords that bring you back to being young and wild and free? To be gifted a three hour free concert of not only the new album start to finish, but of the greatest songs of The Cure that make your nostalgic heart break open? Such a blessing.
Also!
I WROTE A BOOK!!! (more to share about that soon) Remembering loved ones who have died, and bawdy stories to go along with it. Voice notes from friends and the realization that you love the intricacies of their voices. Homemade garlic aioli. Reading by candlelight. Finding new shows to watch as a comfort. Being able to travel and immerse myself into new communities quickly and easefully. Greek Orthodox Church services and their stunning gold-leaf paintings. Unfollowing people and unsubscribing to newsletters. Stray cats who follow you down the street. Praying together. Laughing together. Crying together. Dancing together. Raging together. Loving each other each and every day because it is why we are here.
WILD MEDICINE: An animist pilgrimage with the plants
Communion with the natural world is an essential part of the human experience. We long to be wild, barefoot, ear to the earth. Our health and happiness is woven into the landscape. Our medicine is calling for a return and a remembering of the ancestral ways of herbal wisdom.
WILD MEDICINE is a six month deep dive into the world of herbal medicine. But this is no superficial study - this journey is an exploration of animist and ethnobotanical study and practice. A weaving of ecology, depth psychology, mythology, somatic practice, creative exploration of the plants.
Each month is a pillar of elemental medicine: MOUNTAIN (immune system), OCEAN (psychic system), FOREST (nervous system), RIVER (lymphatic system), FIRE (reproductive system), and SUN (energetic system). Each month we will study and work with two plants - this is how herbal medicine should be learned and practiced - to create deeply intimate relationships with the plants. We will make medicine from the herbs and weave them into our lives. In addition, we will be working with an animal for each month and open ourslves to wilder ways of being.
All experience levels are welcome. Even if you already work with some of these plants, this will be a depth and breadth like no other. No one is communing with herbal medicine in this way, and it is incredibly potent. Through mythology, ritual, ethnobotany, movement, journey, creative expression, and field practice, you will end the pilgrimage with a powerful relationship to these 12 plants and 12 made medicines for your animist apothecary.
And the cherry on top… there is an optional wilderness retreat for the summer solstice! We will be camping on the sacred lands of Mount Shasta - foraging in the forest, swimming in pristine lakes, and making medicine together.
All details are you know where - we begin January 5th and this is a small hive that will fill up fast. I have taught herbal medicine for more than 20 years, and this is the best part of my plant work.
Check out my beautiful website and learn more about the journey below 🌿
A blessing: may your North Star steer you through troubled waters with gentleness and joy.
Xoxo Binyamina Aisha
Loved & appreciated so so much of this 🙏🏻💗